The Creative Life - Barbara Trovillo

Impostor Syndrome:  Loosely defined as "Doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud".

Do you struggle with Impostor Syndrome? 

Many of us do.

Regrettably, I didn't go to art school. In fact, I didn't begin to paint until my late thirties. My Mother was a gifted artist and schizophrenic. She suffered greatly from her mental illness. I think, had she not had this disability, she would have gone far with her talent. She was young when I was born and very insecure. Our home was not a nurturing environment. We were fed, clothed, and ought to be grateful for it! It was the fifties and my family was blue collar through and through. Children were to be seen and not heard. 

I always liked to draw, and felt an aptitude for it. Unfortunately, there was much criticism and ridicule under the guise of "teasing" in our home. My self esteem suffered. I was always waiting for someone to acknowledge and affirm my abilities.....to recognize talent in me. That was not to happen. It took me growing up to discover my passion and give myself permission to pursue it!

I became friends with a couple in my early thirties who were writers and artists. Inspired by their creativity, I finally approached making art in earnest. I have loved the process of painting since my first attempt. I have learned  much in the years I have been practicing my craft. I am self taught (except for the ten years, I watched my friend paint), and still learning.

I paint full time now. Monday through Friday, I report to duty. It's a fantastic privilege that I waited decades to realize! I am thrilled to go to work every day. That being said, there is a moment in most paintings where I think, "Who do you think you are? What makes you think you can do this?" And even worse, "I can't do this, I am not good enough".......

I have learned to control these self disparaging remarks. I will usually take a break at this point. Put the piece aside, let it dry some. Usually, with a clear mind and renewed energy, I can push through. If I need help, I will go looking for it. I will ask fellow artists for their input, or look online for a tutorial, etc.

True Imposter Syndrome is a much more complex problem than the self doubt of which I am speaking. We, artists, are typically our own worst critics. Remember, we are all at different levels in our learning.  I am a better painter today than I was a year ago. There is no substitute for practice.

You are good enough.  Let's be kind to ourselves and Keep going! 

Happy Painting! hugs, Barbara